Ok, nature. We need to talk. About this:
"I'm coming for your children"
Nashville is currently in the middle of a Cicada invasion. I grew up on a farm. I've killed snakes, I shoot guns, I hold my shit together around gross slimy things. But let me say this: this little plague is not funny. Seriously- I was starting to reconsider my blatant contempt for the uber-Christians who were preaching about the Rapture. You would to if you walked out your backyard and was smacked in the face with this shit:
Oh, that sound? THAT SOUND HAUNTS MY DREAMS.
You didn't know bugs could scream? Yeah, me neither. I also did not anticipate being able to hear them through the brick walls of my condo.
Spoiler alert: If eaten, they give dogs horrible, horrible diarrhea. My dogs think that the Lord of the bug kingdom is personally sending them flying popcorn. They are fucking ECSTATIC.
I do not feel the same way, mostly because at the beginning of "the invasion" one tried to crawl INTO MY VAGINA.
(Sometimes I go into my backyard in just a robe. What of it?)
In short: My vagina and I are way over this.
You didn't know bugs could scream? Yeah, me neither. I also did not anticipate being able to hear them through the brick walls of my condo.
Spoiler alert: If eaten, they give dogs horrible, horrible diarrhea. My dogs think that the Lord of the bug kingdom is personally sending them flying popcorn. They are fucking ECSTATIC.
I do not feel the same way, mostly because at the beginning of "the invasion" one tried to crawl INTO MY VAGINA.
(Sometimes I go into my backyard in just a robe. What of it?)
In short: My vagina and I are way over this.
RSS Feed